Wednesday, April 27, 2005

You Might Be From Kansas If... A quiz with commentary from an actual Kansan

YOU MIGHT BE FROM KANSAS IF..................

1. You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

This is true. In Dodge City, the arKANSAS river is just a dry river bed with a bridge over it.

2. You have never met any celebrities (Bob Dole isn't a celebrity; he's your neighbor.)

Kirstie Alley is also from Wichita, but I've not met her or Bob Dole. My dad met Kirstie's brother once, though.

3. You know the meaning of Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

To know this one, you would probably have to have more familiarity with University of Kansas to know. All I know is that it's a rallying chant for sporting events.

4. Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away and you can still see him from your front porch.

Not in the cities, but definitely true in western Kansas!

5. You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Cimmaron, Neodesha, Kechi, and Osawatomie.

sah-LINE-ah, BAY-sore, SIMM-er-ahn, nee-OH-deh-shay, KEE-chai, and ah-so-WAH-toe-mee.

7. A traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

It's happened in front of me. Very frustrating. But most of the intersections in Wichita are controlled with automated traffic lights.

8. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F10 4x4 is. (Except in Johnson County)

And except in Wichita. But people still enjoy comparing pickup trucks.

9. You discover that in July it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

Only because it gets so dang hot!

10. The terms Sooners and Huskers cause hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.

Well, I'm not a sports fan, but I know of many people who can't stand the Oklahoma Sooners or Nebraska Huskers.

11 You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

I haven't, but I have a few relatives who have and still do.

12. You think people who complain about the wind and weather in their states are SISSIES!

No joke!

13. You are not surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition and bait all in the same store.

Some of the gas stations near our lakes are like that. Wal-Mart sells everything including videos, but doesn't rent them.

14. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.

Only because it gets so hot! Not as true for those of us who can't walk a distance, but that's why we carry sun shades and roll our windows down about an inch.

15. You have been asked, "Where is Toto?" more than once.

I've lost count.

16. You had at least one summer job that was bucking bales or custom cutting.

Again, handicapped people usually don't. But I did spend a summer at my aunt and uncle's farm when I was six. I got to milk cows, ride horses and lead sheep to be sheared.

17. More than once you've made a beer run to another state.

No, but when Ron was active on the Air Force base, we made runs there for beer on Sundays, when all of the rest of the stores were closed.

18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned to multiply.

Ummm... No.

19. Your school classes have been canceled because of the cold.

I can't remember, but it's very possible.

20. You know in your heart that K-State can beat Oklahoma in football.

Again, not a sports fan, but the prayers in Church change direction when the two play each other.

21. Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.

Only in western Kansas. In Wichita, it's the construction on Kellogg Ave. (Highway 54/400) There's always construction somewhere in Wichita along Kellogg.

22. You have had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

RECENTLY!!!

23. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

No. Blue cheese.

24. Your school classes have been canceled because of the heat or cold.

It's an annual occurrance.

25. You have ridden the school bus for more than an hour each way.

Only because the kids on our route lived so far apart. My family lived only 15 minutes away from the school.

26. In August, you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:00a.m.

Don't laugh! It's true!

27. You instantly know someone is from Johnson County when they call everything west of Topeka... "Western" Kansas.

Well, not instantly, but it's a pretty good indicator.

28. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

Have you ever done it? It's fascinating to watch a funnel cloud form into a tornado from the safe distance of five miles when you're near your tornado shelter!

29. You know the real way to pronounce the name of Clinton's state and the river... arKANSAS.

Remember my response to the first question?

30. You think the opening day of pheasant season is a national holiday.

I don't, but there are countless thousands who would argue this point.

31. "Vacation" means going to Kansas City or Wichita for the weekend.

What?! I live in Wichita!

32. You measure distance in hours.

Remember my response to question 25?

33. You know several people who have hit more than one deer.

Ron hit one once, and I've known of many people who've hit deer. How many, I'm not sure.

34. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You mean that's not normal?

35. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

Typical in small towns. In the cities, you'd never leave anything unlocked unless you wanted it to get broken into.

36 You think of the major food groups as beer, beef and beans.

No to the first and last, but I've gotta have my beef!

37. You carry jumper cables in your car and make sure your better half knows how to use them.

Ron still needs to show me how to use ours.

38. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Well, you never know if it's going to be snowy or steamy at the end of October!

39. You know the 4 seasons as: summer, road construction, still summer, winter.

Remember my comment about the road construction? Yeah. We have spring and fall, but they only last a couple of weeks apiece.

40. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

Only if you live in the country or know my dad, who loves to talk and doesn't read body language.

41. You lock the doors to your truck but leave the windows rolled down.

Only an inch. Remember? You don't want to invite thieves!

42. You call sodas just plain ol' "Pop"!!

I've always called it "pop." I never heard it called "soda" until I was a patient in the Shriner's Hospital in St. Louis, Mo. when I was about six years old.

43. FINALLY..... you are 100% Kansan if........... You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Kansas.

So, did I prove I'm 100% Kansan? I think I did.

This must have been written by a Kansan too, cuz guess what, no #6!

3 comments:

Styria said...

I think no #6 goes hand-in-hand with learning to shoot before learning to multiply. You only noticed it because you answered "no" to that question. =)

Mrs. T. Swede said...

Actually, that statement was part of the e-mail. I didn't add it. Or subtract, or any other mathematical function. ;)

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